Mary Hagans was a member of the Santa Rosa Church of Old School Baptists. An article she wrote dealing with some of her history with this church, was published in Signs of the Times (New York), Vol. 41, No. 15, August 1, 1873, page 170 (from Elder Robert Webb, a Primitive Baptist minister, church historian, and church webmaster):

Santa Rosa, Cal., May 25, 1873.

Elder G. BEEBE – DEAR BROTHER IN CHRIST: - Feeling a desire to write some of my feelings to the faithful in Christ, I thought I would write the same, and if you think proper you may publish the same. I began to have serious impressions when quite young, but these impressions would pass off, and I would be as thoughtless as ever. In my twelfth year, myself and the rest of our family attended an association near Petaluma, in this Sonoma county, during which there was considerable excitement, as was usual among the Missionaries in the times of their protracted meetings, that being the usual mode of winding up those associational meetings. I thought my heart must be harder than any others for I could see other people in tears, while I did not feel in the least moved to tears. I would walk out with my young companions, and hear them say one to another, "Are you going up to the mourner’s bench tonight?" And often the answer would be, "I will go up if you will." Now I thought this was hypocrisy, and if ever I got religion, I did not want to get it at a mourner’s bench; but I kept my thoughts to myself. One night during preaching I felt very heavy; I felt that I should be cast off into outer darkness, although I thought no one should know my feelings, no, not for the world. But when they called for those who wished to be prayed for, to come forward, I could not refrain from tears, though I tried to conceal them. Presently a lady came to me and asked me if I wished to be prayed for. I told her did, and she told me to go forward. I told her I did not wish to; but she insisted, and I went. I thought my doom was sealed, and that there was no hope for me. I do not know how long I remained in this condition, but the first I knew, all was joy and peace, and I was praising God. I then thought my troubles were all over, and that I should never sin again. But alas! I soon saw that I was yet carnal; I could not do and act as I desired, or as I thought a christian should, and so doubts and fears began to arise. I tried to throw it away, but that beautiful light I once saw would still shine, and I could not throw it away. Thus I got along until 1859, when my sister and I joined the Missionaries, and were baptized. Time passed on, and I had many doubts and fears. In the year 1865 I was married, and here was another source of trouble, my husband being an Old School Baptist preacher; and living at some distance from the Missionary meeting, where my membership was, I seldom got to attend, and suppose they erased my name from their church book. Under these circumstances I was much troubled in mind; not that my husband opposed or harassed me in my religious views, but I had such an inveterate dislike for the name Old School, that I thought I could never united with them. Yet I saw so much corruption in all the so-called churches, that I did not want to live with them. I remained in this state of mind for some time. At length I began to feel that I should like to live with those whom I once despised so much. But my hope seemed so small, that I thought they would not receive me. I thought if I could tell such an experience as some others could, I would not hesitate, or let an opportunity pass unimproved. Time passed on, and I felt the weight of my duty more and more heavily, until in August, 1869, when I attended the regular meeting with a troubled mind, but determined that no one should know my feelings. Elder Thomas H. Owen preached a comforting discourse, after which the door was opened for the reception of members. I went forward and was received, but why, I cannot tell, for it was but little that I could tell. My troubles did not end here, as I had hoped they would. I felt that I had sinned against God by deceiving the church. It was arranged that I should be baptized in October, during the corresponding meeting to be held with the Santa Rosa Church, at Pleasant Hill Meeting House. During the interval, my prayer was that if I had sinned in joining the church, that God would afflict me in some way so that I could not go to the meeting. But he did not see fit to do so, and I went bowed down to the earth, until near the meeting house, my burden increasing all the while, when these words were presented to my mind: "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted." This gave me some relief and encouragement for a short time. We stopped over night at brother Aaron Burns’ and although their house was large, it seemed as though I had the weight of that house on my heart. It seemed more than I could bear. I felt I could not live until morning, when these words were presented to my mind: "We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren." On Sunday I was baptized by Elder Thomas H. Owen, and when I came up out of the water I was made to rejoice. But, brother Beebe, I still have many doubts and fears. It seems to me that a child of grace could not be so ignorant concerning the scriptures as I am, for when I read them there is so much wrapped in mystery, it is but little that I can understand. Do with this as you think best, and all will be well. From the least of all,

MARY HAGANS.

From Obituary Notices in Signs of the Times, c. 1889, page 239 (from Elder Robert Webb):

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R. E. Hagans, daughter of Elder A. H. Hagans and Mary his wife, fell asleep on March 19th, 1889, at 6:30 a. m., in Garfield Co., Wash. Ter. She was a pleasant girl, always bright and lovely, a favorite of the writer of this notice, and fair to look upon; but she is gone, I believe, to a better world, where Christ is, the life of his people, in whom alone dwelleth immortality.

ALSO,

DIED--In the same county and place June 24th, 1889, at 8:10 p. m. sister Mary Hagans, consort of Elder A. H. Hagans, aged forty-four years, four months and eight days. She was married to our brother, Elder A. H. Hagans, in 1865, and joined the Santa Rosa Church of Old School Baptists, of which Thomas H. Owens was pastor, at Green Valley, Sonoma Co., Cal., by whom she was baptized in the fall of 1869. She was a woman of an excellent spirit, kind, patient and enduring. The writer has been intimately acquainted with her since 1866, and can testify to her christian character from that time until her death, except a short interval of time. She was one of the constituent members of the Harmony Church of Old School Baptists, east of Dayton, Columbia Co., Wash. Ter., of which the writer has been the ministerial servant since its constitution, and our intercourse has been harmonious. There have been no jealousies nor bickerings between us. But our beloved sister is gone; and O how much of sorrow, sadness and desolation is signified by the word "gone." The afflicted husband, our brother, tried to give expression to the sentiments of his heart in the beautiful lines, "Thou art gone to the grave," &c.

The writer tried to comfort the bereaved friends from "the word of his testimony." The text on this last occassion was Revelation i. 18.

I. N. NEWKIRK.

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